Must be in the Water

I am pretty sure I have kids with the normal amount of brain matter up there in their cute little noggins. I mean, they've had all the routine check ups and no one has mentioned anything.

But, for some reason that I've yet to discover, their freaking common sense leaves them the second their naked little bodies hit the water in the bathtub. It really is an out of body experience for them I think.

Everynight I tell them the same things. EVERY NIGHT. And I will be danged if the don't act like they've never heard it.

Rule one, the bathtub water is to remain in the tub. Simple right? I mean you would have to physically scoop the water out or throw your body off the side of the tub to expel enough water to drench the towel that has already been postitioned on the floor. But, alas, most every night I go in there and wade through what can only resemble a shallow version of one of the Great Lakes. And if you've never seen one of the great lakes, let me assure you they are HUGE. I once fell asleep on an airplane and as we were landing for the layover in Illinois, I thought it was the ocean. Seriously. I panicked. Give me a break. I was VERY preggo and operating on no sleep. Back to the bathroom. So, I wade through the lake that was my bathroom floor so see my son flinging himself off the side of the tub. Ever tried to catch a sudsy three year old in mid flight? Like a greased pig.

Rule number two. The bath water does not go in your mouth. I tell my boys a good rule of thumb is that anything you sit your butt or privates in really isn't meant to be in your mouth as well. However, do you think they think I know what I am talking about. Oh God no. They will happily make themselves a fountain by spewing water ceiling high from their mouthes. Did I mention how the 3 yr old thinks it's great to fart int he tub wand watch the bubbles? Yeah. It grosses me out too. I tell them they are drinking stinky fart water. It does not bother them in the least.

Rule three. Now, if you don't have little boys, this may not be something you are familiar with. Thou shalt not sword fight with your "tee tee"s. Laugh all you want. It is a serious issue at bathtime here.

These things seem like simple and logical things to me. And I think that any other time they would grasp what I'm saying. So, until the paranormal decreased brain activity stops, I suppose I'll just invest in waders.